June 24, 2009


It's only a couple of days into official summer and already it looks like hot season '09 is going to be a memorable one around here - memorable in a bad kind of way - not in a family picnic kind of way.

This place is falling apart! There are no garbage men, ferry or daycare workers and now the guys who sell liquor are going to be hitting the streets. That means your plans of going to the Island to get plastered and throw away your trash in a respectful way is out of the question. Instead we're all going to have to go to mainland parks, do drugs and litter all over the place.

After last summer gave us nothing but rain, these new developments really cheese my toast. Here are a few ways you Torontonians can cope during these dark, foul smelling days:

1. Start eating your garbage - It's going to take some getting used to, but you'll save money and do away with smelly trash.

That's all I got. I haven't had enough time to formulate any further strategies. Stay tuned...

I kind of wish that seasons changed less gradually. Actually, I wish everything changed less gradually. When you see some kid you haven't seen a while and he/she has grown a bunch it's like you're looking biology right in the face.

Anyway, during the winter I wanted summer so bad that I was willing to shave my own skin off just to get it. Now that it's here I'm very pleased, but I'm not buggin' out or anything. I guess it's like when you go on a sunny vacation during the winter. That's the best feeling and we don't really get that here. Spring holds summer's hand and leads it down the aisle into our lives where we gawk at first and then complain that it's too hot. At least I do. I'm never satisfied and I'm not scared to admit it. I'm pretty sure if I owned a boat summer would be better by a bunch.

Hello and give me that.

Okay guys, I'm outta here - keep sending in those postcards!

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