21 PIE SALUTE

This entry is dedicated to a couple of fallen soldiers. I'm set to retire two pairs of shoes that have been with me for the last few of years. These guys are more reliable than a digital clock, but not as reliable as the newspaper coming out every day. I mean, when was the last time they forgot to print that shit? Grab some tissues and a framed picture of your family and get ready to sob your damn eyes off until you could grow an entire vegatable garden with your tears and because the plants were grown with tears they're extra special and woodland elves come to inhabit your garden because they come to every tear garden and they produce the juiciest most wonderful cucumbers you've ever tasted and you sell for millions but you feel guilty because it wasn't you, it was the woodland elves but in the end they say "It was your tears that made the magic, not us" and then you retire and decide not to sell out the elves to that reporter who knows too much.


Check these guys out. I bought these about 3 or 4 years ago at a Value Village because I needed black shoes for a play. I was very happy because they were pretty much brand new and only cost 5 or 6 dollars. When I started my job three years ago I needed professional man shoes and these were the only ones I had so henceforth they became my business shoes. I continued to wear them despite the fact they were falling apart and looked terrible, but they were very comfortable and made me feel like I was a rebel who was all like "Yeah I'll wear dress shoes for work. THESE dress shoes." But I never got a chance to say anything like that. I think they're made out of some sort of plastic based on the way they tore apart. Definitely not leather. There's not an inch of cow on these things.


These dirty old dogs I got sometime during my last year of university, so about 4 years ago I guess. I remember I bought them during winter so I didn't wear them much until Spring came around when the birds starting chirping and the bunnies started having sex. These babies are moulded to my feet like no others. Distinguishing marks include paint splashes from when I rode my bike through paint and several tears that make walking in rain and cold quite the chore! I even bought two new pairs of shoes earlier this year or last year I don't know, but I continued to wear these suckers and I will continue to through the winter until they're dried up and shriveled like raisins and full of holes like the plot of Mortal Kombat 2 - Annihilation.

Stay tuned for future editions of "Fallen Soliders" when I put to rest my sturdy blue backpack that I've had since high school and several pairs of undies.