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December 8, 2008

WHITE GRASS? NO IT'S JUST SNOW

If you were to travel back in time, do you think things would smell totally different? I get the feeling that most places smelled like wood and manure, but I might be wrong. I bet if a guy from the past traveled to the present they'd be dumbfounded by the smells. Then you could take them to the food court at the mall and they'd totally freak out on smells of Cinnabon, Taco Bell, New York Fries and Kernels popcorn. In fact, they'd probably fine with just sitting there and smelling. Even I could just sit there and smell, and I know the present inside and out. I'm an expert on all things current: DVD's, eco cars, the Internet. There. That's all you need to know about the year that was.

On Saturday night, my neighbours decided to have another late night dance party. This time it was really loud at 4am, so Liv went to tell them to turn it down. They turned it down like one notch, two tops, so she went down again and the girl was like, "we already turned it down". What's with that? If they told me they couldn't sleep because of something I was doing I'd make sure to rememdy the situation because that's the nice thing to do. It was like 4 in the morning! Why were they surprised that we complained? This time I really thought they'd come over and appolgize the next day, but they never came. Not even a note. They're probably the same type of people who sit on the inside seat of the subway/streetcar/bus and put their bag on the other one. They probably also steal poppy money at Remembrance Day and eat McDonalds EVERY day and complain that Big Macs aren't that big but they never complain about the fries because no one in history ever has. McDonalds fries are the great equalizer like lemonade or sunny days. Does that make sense? I don't even really know what a great equalizer is, but I've heard it before. I really just named some good undisputable things.

One of the people who won the latest Amazing Race is named 'Starr Spangler'.



Here are some of Starr Spangler's international equivalents:

Leif O'Canada
Jack Union
Africa Mandela
Matilda Waltz

Oh man, none of those are any good compared to Starr Spangler and she's real. She sounds like a hot G.I. Joe or a WWE Diva who would look like this:



Here's a dumb joke: What do you call Starr's garage sale sign? Starr Spangler's banner. OUCH.

I went to see Neil Young also. Neil killed everyone that night. He took us into his grasp, shoved a gun shaped like a guitar in our faces and pulled the damn trigger until our heads exploded and then we clapped. There was such a mix of people there. I saw real hicks, middle aged couples, hipsters, teens, college students, wookiees, bunny men, androids, you name it. Racially speaking it was fairly milky, but that's not Neil's fault. I was sitting behind this teen and his old man and because I had already seen so many hicks, I couldn't tell if he was a hick or if he was a hipster. He was wearing a leather jacket and an ugly sweater and a Canadiens painter hat. It wasn't until I saw his shoes that I confirmed hipster. But still man, the line is blurry sometimes. I was also impressed by Wilco, who I've always thought was pretty boring, but live they were very good. Remember that Wilco video from the mid 90's? Outta Sight (Outta Mind)? I always associated them with that song so when they won critical acclaim in the two thousands I reacted the same way I'd react if the same thing happened to Pluto or Eve 6....I was surprised of whatever.

2 comments:

cara said...

not to side with the losers with the loud party, but big macs really aren't that big.

Duke of Spook said...

Yeah I know. Did they get smaller or did we just get bigger??

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