SPECIAL OF THE DAY IS MUSTARD AND KALE

Did anyone see Tom Cruise on Leno last night? I wonder if he knows that most people view him as a total freak/shit bird now. But really, when you think about, it's no surprise he's so strange because his life has lacked privacy for like 20 years. If he goes on a talk show he can't talk about normal things because nothing in his life is normal. Last night for example, he casually talked about flying planes and driving high performance motorcycles as if it's some every day thing. And he's such a pro at promoting his movies too, as he never hesitated to point out that "the stunts were all real" or "the story of Valkyrie is 100% true, so fascinating". So based on all this, my opinion on Tom Cruise is:

He's a freaky dude, but only because he's been living an inhuman life to begin with. He's merely adapted. I do enjoy his early work. BUUUUTTT on the other hand, he could've kept all that Scientology stuff to himself, and that Oprah thing is actually pretty crazy. John Travolta is still relatively loved, but if he started preachin' it'd be over in a heartbeat. The best thing would be if one day Tom Cruise started flying around and levitating things and is like "I told you so" and then he rules the world but not with an iron fist, but rather with love and acceptance.

Enough about this guy already! I'm only perpetuating the Tom Cruise media machine. What a hypocrite! I'm going to write a new comic called "The Hippy-Crite" and because of the magic of space and time, you're going to see it right now even though I just thought of it now and have no idea what to do:

Yikes! That wasn't very good, was it? The Hippy-Crite will eat beef no problem but he has a problem with veal?! What a Hippy-Crite! It's a lot better if you make up the back story of each character. I feel like Hippy-Crite and Veal Vendor know each other fairly well and the only reason that Veal Vendor isn't rich and successful is because Hippy-Crite ruins all of his business ventures with his hypocrisy. I kind of wish Veal Vendor's arms weren't so messy in panel three, but I ain't no painter Paul when it comes to drawing. The Hippy looks a lot like Grandma from Grandma comics doesn't he?

Tomorrow is my office Christmas party atop the Sutton Place Hotel. We're not allowed to bring guests this year and when we found out we were all "WAAAAAA" but compared to most people's Christmas parties, ours is still really good because everything is free including grain alcohol, which is coveted around the holidays according to Microsoft Encarta. I'm going to drink a million martinis and two thousand beers and I don't care what anyone says. In the meantime I really have to start learning my lines for this play I'm going to be in. What play? HAHAHAH TOP SECRET. Do you care? No? I knew it. You will when you find out that ..................................................... I don't know. Come see it in January. Details to follow. Let's get some of that poutine this weekend from that new place. I had some before I went to Neil Young and my tastebuds went "YIPPPPEEEEE".