December 4, 2008


Ever been somewhere like the mall and you have your headphones on and salespeople still try to talk to you and you can't hear them and then they think you're a dick? Yeah dude.

Yesterday I was in a washroom in my office building and I heard this guy in the stall having big time trouble with something. Then at the sink this guy in a suit saddles up and says to me: "You know your kid is sick when he's home and NOT watching TV." ???????????? Why did he say that to me? Did he view me as a parent? Where did it come from? AHHHHHH. Then this bum comes to the sink and it must have been him having big time trouble and he was snorting like crazy. So either he had just done some drugs or he was sick. I think he had just done drugs. See? You can do anything in a bathroom.

How about the government eh? What a crazy bunch of guys those guys are. I wish we had a hero like Obama. Imagine a Canadian celebrity became a Prime Minister? Or an ex-hockey player? I don't think that would be good unless it was Ken Dryden, because he's the smartest guy this side of... the highway. I think we can all agree that Maury Chaykin would be pretty alright, or maybe even Christopher Plummer. He's Canadian right? Maple syrup hath run through his heart that's shaped like New Brunswick like all real Canadians. If Neil Young became PM the world would explode into happiness and beautiful songs would play all day long by fair maidens with HUGE BOOBS. Right? That's a bit silly, I'm sorry.

Okay, so this one is going to be short man. Not a lot hap-hap-happening today. You can read this one on the go. Snack size. Fun size. Take this on public transit with you and make sure people read it over your shoulder and they'll either think you're crazy or really smart, or both which is what most people should strive for. Crazy people who are smart are either really dangerous or really helpful, just like the LAPD. POLITICAL STATEMENT. Like Denzel Washington in Training Day is crazy but Ethan Hawk in Training Day is a hero of justice. That would be a cool name: The Washington Hawk. I wonder if people would know you stole that from training day. Sort of like how Napoleon Dynamite is another name for Elvis Costello but the writer was like "huh'? So even if someone called you on it, deny deny deny. What would you use it for? A band? A movie? A detective in a book? An informant in a book? A club in a book? A sports team in a book? That would be a stupid team name. Not flashy enough.

For the finishing touches, I'm going to type a key word into YouTube and I'll post the video. This is the parsley on the veal, the berries on the ice cream, the dandilions on the pork shoulder. Okay, the word(s) is..


Okay, I didn't pick the first one, but you have to admit that one is really really good.


highwaisted said...

mall headphones salesperson i hear ya!

that grandma thing was weird.

Duke of Spook said...

Agreed. It's not weird in the sense that it happened, but more because whoever shot it decided to share it with the world. Slice of Life.

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