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April 8, 2009

2009 BIRTHDAY SPECIAL

Welcome to the 2009 birthday special, hosted by me, Tino Monte.



Under your seat you'll find a complimentary bag of Planter's peanuts and a disposable rain poncho. What's that for? It's a surprise. Oh I'll just tell you. We're going to spray you with a lot of water later in a segment called "Niagara Follies".

TREAT 1 - TREASURES FROM THE VAULT

Atlantis. Egypt. DaVinci Code. Cooperstown Baseball Hall of Fame. These are places where treasures lie, and tonight we open the vault that lies in the innards of Glenn's computer where we find a wealth of emeralds, old armour and some other stuff like mp3s. Take it away!

Thanks Tino. Here are two promos for "The Polecats Radio Programme" which Andy and I hosted on McMaster's student radio. We got fired in third or fourth year because we didn't participate in their annual fundraising initiative. We never prepared for the show and mostly just played strange and funny songs that we'd find in the archives such as Guy LaFleur's hockey disco record. Once we played farting noises over and over again, introducing it as "Beethoven's Fifth Symphony".

The first promo is from Dustin Diamond from Saved by the Bell. Please note that we asked him to say, "I'm TV's Dustin Diamond, and you're listening..." but he changed it to plug SBTB and his dumb band that no one has heard of. But he did say our catchphrase at the time, "Rock n roll awesome". The second one is from Max Weinberg and the best part of this is that we got him to say "Rock n Roll Gary Roberts" at the end and he had no clue who Gary Roberts was or why he was saying it. That guy has a big head.



That was super! Isn't that great? I used to host a show called "Super Market Sweep" which can be seen every weekday on the Game Show network. It features me in bad ties and the ugliest bunch of contestants you ever saw. Our next segment is brought to you by Obus Forme back supports, the most expensive item in the grocery store.

Thanks Tino. If you've ever watched Super Market Sweep, that stuff up there is the funniest. If not you'll think I'm strange. Last night I scoured my LiveJournal for some good stuff. I found a funny story that I think you'll enjoy, although it probably falls into the category "You had to be there".

Background info - I was in this class called Qualitative and Quantitative research methods and the class was really easy and boring. I had this big Jamaican lady as a TA and I always went to tutorials because you got free grades if you went. This story happens during a tutorial:

March 30, 2003

Most Ridiculous tutorial ever: Jamaican T.A. wants people to bring in music to analyze qualitatively (?) Stupid dumb girl brings in her demo cd! First, she doesn't know how to open the CD player, turns volume knob expecting it to open. When she finally figures it out, the song is everything that is wrong with music today. If I could've written down the lyrics you all would laugh a lot..title of song "New Age Goddess" or something. It was a shitty pop song in the style of Britney Spears about being a new age goddess and one of the lyrics involved something like "All the haters .. blah blah" Thats ridiculous

Tttttthen the song is over and it's soooo quiet in the room and Jamaican TA goes: "It sounds like 4 year olds would like it" but she was serious and didn't mean to make fun of it. I held back my laughter during the song sooooooo badly . I had to keep my head down at my desk bceause any stimulus would have made me erupt.


Seriously man, this was one of those instances where I was like "my parents wasted their money sending me here".

And now a special message from former NFL great, Randall Cunningham:



Hi guys

You ever tried eating a meatball sub for breakfast? Don't do it. You ever ate 16 sour keys after you ate a meatball sub for breakfast? Do it. Don't forget - you play with drugs, you'll get sacked. You play with your family - touchdown! Have a family game night with Parker Bros. and drugs will never ever hurt you. Happy birthday Gil!

We payed him $10,000 dollars and that's all we got. That's it for my birthday special. I hope everyone had a good time and could stand me ripping on Tino Monte for the second time in this blog's history. To finish things off, here's Tino Monte!

Thanks to everyone for coming by tonight. What's big and a waterfall? Niagara. Here comes the water! Goodnight and God bless!

6 comments:

Mrs. Poland said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

cara said...

ohhh MANNNNN i loved that T.A. story!

Duke of Spook said...

It was one of those times where I wished everyone I knew was there to experience it with me. It was one of the dumbest things I've ever witnessed live. The tension in the room while the song was playing was unbearable.

highwaisted said...

aw H to the B Glenn. I hope you had an unbelievably radical day!

dj_sports said...

I wish more people knew Tino, I would like to write a sketch about that man.

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