WHO EATS PLAIN M&Ms ANYWAY??

Most of you dudes probably aren't at work today, and work is probably where you read this. You go to your desk, stare at your magic eye poster for a few minutes, water your cactus, tear off another day on your Far Side calendar, check to see if you have any granola bars left, talk to someone about the weather and then you read this and you get so damn excited that you have to go to the bathroom and cry and poo for a few hours.

Today you're going to wake up at 11:00, remember that you don't have to work, dance naked for three minutes, take a shower, watch Donnie Darko, play guitar, read this for two seconds, realize it's a waste of time, go play frisbee, get stung by a bee, go to the hospital, get leg amputated, go home and watch Donnie Darko again.

Based on these assumptions I'm going to tailor this entry to your unique lifestyle.

First you need a quick jolt like the shot of expresso you drink before you eat your Vector meal replacement breakfast crisp.



There.

Now you need an anecdote as the main course:

Once in 1997 I think, I got banned from Wal Mart for a year because my friend got caught stealing Star Wars cards and I was with him. To this day I still feel uncomfortable going in there.

Now a YouTube video for dessert:



Shake your damn tits to that song!

Now all the ladies say OHHHHHHHHHHHH



OHHHHHHHHHH

This Easter don't forget that the Easter Bunny and Jesus have nothing to do with one another, but share the same space, much like that guy Balky and that other guy Larry from TV show "Perfect Strangers". See you later! Stand tall!