April 28, 2009


The last couple of days computers have been driving me up the wall and while I'm up the wall the computer drives me bananas and the bananas are brown and shitty. Last night I was trying to install Photoshop and my machine froze several times to the point where I was ready punch something, which only seems to happen when computers act like dick heads or when I have to put together IKEA furniture. The same freezing thing happened when I was at work today and my usually reliable computer kept giving me guff to the point where I had to leave and head for the bathroom to sit and settle down.

That concludes the "What I Did and How I am" portion for today - I screwed around with computers making me feel like garbage. Now I have a little room to freestyle:

At first I wrote a long thing about how I don't understand why auto workers unions complain so much, but I think some people might not like that, and I don't want to whine about something I know barely anything about. Besides, I've got a soft spot for the blue collar man. I worked for 1-800-GOT-JUNK for two summers and at the end of the day when you've been lifting shit all day and you're covered in slime, you take a shower and drink a beer and you feel like a real man. Plus you meet all sorts of colourful characters. Sometimes we'd have to work with temps if our numbers were uneven (2 guys to a truck, get it?) and these guys were usually down on their luck and only qualified to work manual labour but couldn't get stable work due to the tough lives they lived. Here's a description of one such dude from a May 1, 2005 LiveJournal:

Worked with a temp who has 6 kids, is dating a 28 year old, drives a purple corvette and wants to plant rare trees on the land he owns

There was also this guy we called "The Hulkster" who had a Hulk Hogan moustache and a decent mullet and he was really nice and once we were driving near the airport and he looked up at a plane and said "Isn't it fuckin' awesome how planes stay in the sky?" I laughed to myself, thought about it for a second and said, "it sure is".

That job had big time ups and staggering lows, but all around I'd say it was positive. I'll leave you with one more story from May 27, 2005:

The other day at the garbage truck fixing store this guy who worked there was hosing off two large pieces of foam with a power washer. Upon inquiry I learned that he had just bought a used camper and was understandably worried about what other people had done on these foam mattresses. Instead of buying new ones he was hosing the old ones off in a garbage truck garage. I laughed because foam probably costs mere nickels and foam takes a llllllllllllllong time to dry, and foam is like sponge so all the semen, blood and sweat that was on the mattress is probably going to stay there so I questioned the effectiveness of his methods. But the guy was wearing a shirt that said "real men drive fords" or something and he was driving a chevy, which instantly diminished his credibility.

Tomorrow I'll be coming at you live from Orlando Florida where I'm judging the 2009 Tropicana bikini contest and orange juice bake off. My fellow judges are former ball player Chili Davis and respected thespian, Tom Skeritt. See you in the sun!

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