THAT AIR CANADA AD WITH THE WEIRD SINGING DRIVES ME BoNKeRs

FALLEN SOLDIERS

Episode 2 - A backpack

This is the second installment of my wildly popular column, "Fallen Soldiers" where I sing the praises of items I've had for a long time, but have chosen to retire. You may remember the first piece where I paid tribute to a pair of old shoes. All you tender hearts will be pleased to know that I just couldn't throw out those babies and continue to wear them to this day even though they're full of holes and make a weird plopping sound with every step. Will this next item enjoy the same fate? Probably. I don't throw things out because I develop emotional attachments to inanimate objects. One time my friend and I let this inner tube go loose on Lake Huron, but when we saw it floating alone out there we just had to go get it. So we fished it out and threw it in the woods instead.

I've had this backpack for a really long time. I think I probably got in in mid high school, so at least 10 years. Me and the old girl have been all over the world together, but time has taken its toll and the bottom has worn extremely thin. Wishing to avoid a silent movie-esque folly where my stuff falls clean out of the bottom while it's pouring rain and when I drop down to pick everything up my top hat falls in the mud, I decided to start shopping for a new one. Thanks to a gift card from Eddie Bauer I got for my birthday, I'm the proud new owner of a mustard coloured sack made of the highest quality fabrics imported from the most glorious empires of the world.
When I first got her, I didn't like how the model was called "Jammer" because teenagers will make fun of you for anything, and I didn't want to give them the opportunity to accuse me of "jamming" things with my "thing". So when I bought a Guns N' Roses patch from a garage sale where I also got some of the best posters in my history, I covered up the logo. I took it off eventually when I got to university and realized no one would care what my backpack was called.

I don't think I'm going to fully retire the backpack. Its career is going to follow that of a figure skater - when you retire you basically retire from competition but still do shows. I will use old blue for special missions so if you see me on the street with it on you know I'm doing something awesome.

CELEBRITY OF THE DAY

Hugh Jackman

Here's why I like this guy:

- He's Wolverine, one of the toughest characters of all time. At the same time, he's a dancing, singing Broadway performer. That's the kind of range I can get behind

- During promotional tours he plays the game better than anyone. Every picture I've seen of him over the last month, where he's promoting Wolverine I think, he smiles and waves like nobody's business. This is in stark contrast with those other celebrities who like to think that promoting their films are not part of their job.

- He's Australian and those guys are alright

That's all really. Those reasons are enough for a celebrity to qualify for this feature. If you're famous, please apply to:

Celebrity of the Day
Denver Plastic Solutions Inc.
c/o Herb Pluyfrot
246 Big Mountain Way
St. Louis, Missouri
90213

Please include your head shot, three media clippings, a demo real, your agent's contact information as well as a short, 500 word bio. Thanks and good luck.