COTTAGE CHEESE IS NAMED AS SUCH BECAUSE IT'S A GETAWAY FROM REGULAR CHEESE

My vacation went by faster than the city of Toronto loses interest in the Blue Jays after they start losing. It felt like I was there for 24 hours. In the future there will be a pill you can take that regulates the way your brain processes time - possible side effects include increased heart rate, nausea, confusion, sore throat and an overwhelming wave of nostalgia. That last one may sound good, but having memories that are too fond can make each subsequent experience feel shitty. Surgeon's General Warning guy.

I've decided that trying to find new jobs online is about as hopeless as the Jays' playoff chances - they stink! I'm in the process of regrouping and devising a new strategy that will require a lot more networking and cold calling, which are two of my pet peeves along with out of control dogs and teenagers. I had a phone interview for an internship the other day but decided against it because not having a full time job is scary in today's economic climate - just ask the cast of Home Improvement!

Here are some bonus vacation features that weren't in the original theatrical release:

- We sustained a flat tire on the way. Andy and I couldn't change the tire because the bolts were too tight. We're still men though.

- We watched "The Abyss". For the most part that movie still rules although the second half has a bit of crud on it.

Coming this Autumn - a four disc vacation retrospective featuring story boards, commentaries and a full listing of all the food I ate. Can't wait until then? Catch me at Massey Hall on August 9 for a live Q&A moderated by Jian Ghomeshi of CBC Radio with opening act "The Odds".

I've been eating way too many bite sized fruit candies lately. The only way to stop it is with chocolate.