What I Did and How I am

And there you have the latest adventure of The Hippie-Crite. Here's a link to the first two if you need to get caught up. Don't worry though, there's no continuity. In fact, they're all pretty much the same.

You guys know the whole story behind that chicky who got her moron boyfriend to murder this other teen, right? They just released her real name and likeness, and on thestar.com there was this image:

The court artist has a lot of trouble drawing mouths! The drawing looks like a character from Alice in Wonderland or something. It looks like she's saying "deeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwff". And why is her head levitating? We'll never know...

OR WILL WE

Hello my name is Fred Preef, courtroom artist and amateur woodworker. The reason my painting of the suspect is as such is because I was eating Triscuits and cheese at the time and I wasn't really paying attention. By the time I was done and took a look at her lips I was like "that's not accurate but nobody's perfect" so I left it. In terms of her floating head, I'm pretty sure that actually happened. But that's just one man's opinion. I'm off to pick up my daughter Sue Doll from Private School. It was nice talking to you.

I found that note floating in my toilet last night.

Have you bought Ontario cherries yet? We bought some sours yesterday and they're setting my soul on fire.